Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
