is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
