so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
