He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
