ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
