Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
