I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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