I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
