You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
