ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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