apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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