Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
