I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Who put my cat in the fridge?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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