I wish i was in the wii world.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
