you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
