Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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