Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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