i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
