It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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