Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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