so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
