There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
