I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
only if we run a train.
done.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
