I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
