He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
