I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
