I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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