My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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