The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize