Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
