it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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