Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It's blow job season.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My vagina just clenched in fear
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
