Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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