Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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