Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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