you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize