We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
try to milk me bitch
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