Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
