STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
