You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
