Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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