i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
only if we run a train.
done.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
