eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
