So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
