There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
