I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
