You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize