just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
