dude i'm inner monologue high
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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