Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
