Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
