Did you just see the Batmobile???
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
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He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
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Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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