One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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