maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
