Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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