My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
