I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i dont even know how to be here
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
