ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
