I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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