he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
