Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
