You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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