There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
