Well apparently he's into motor boating.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
