no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
3pm strippers are depressing
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
