oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
