im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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