there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
