this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
